Fasting. I’ve done it so many times before. In different ways. And in different durations.

And I said it was easy. I said, no big deal, because I am not new to starvation. Feeling hungry is not a new sensation for me. Food had never been a priority.

But even in this, God finds new ways to keep His commands fresh and new for me.

Because I am fasting again now, and it feels… different. It feels burdensome, and challenging. I feel hunger pangs, that familiar clawing in my stomach that arises from intestines twisting against each other with nothing to digest.

And yet three words come to me right now. Three surprising and borderline ridiculous sentiments to be having at a time like this:

cevicheDelicious, delightful, and delicate.

My tongue, which at this very moment is craving for something to physically taste, is somehow being sated in the midst of its lack. That was a very clumsy sentence, but I know no other way to describe it. Something about all this “nothingness” tastes delicious.

And it is all so delightful. It brightens my heart to realise that this long in the game, I could still be given this singular experience. For something that I have done countless times before, God is still giving me the wonderful gift of His presence.

To be honest, the third word was more of my mind forcing a rhythm. But when I found it, it fit. If I am not careful, these feelings that I am having can be ephemeral, not because God withholds, but because I can be easily distracted, easily tempted. I have to continue seeking after His presence, His essence, His Spirit; I have to remember that all of these are within my grasp only if when I fast, I hold fast to Him.

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